" tHis iS tHe LiFe 0f aMALinA. "

* ACTION ! * - GeTtiNg iNSidE tHe mInD 0f A p0SsibLy tR0uBlEd TeEnAgeR - * CUT ! *

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Don't be mistaken by my actions. Each one has a reason for themselves.

Guys, please lah.... Just because i started going home together with JN lately, it doesn't really mean anything. I didn't have anyone who could accompany to my house bus-stop before, and he happens to alight at the bus-stop after mine. We're going the same way so why not go together right? I understand that gossips or rumours are needed to cheer up a group and be the subject of conversation. I used to do that and can't help it if i join in sometimes. However, accusing me somehow of 'snatching' JN away from KT is probably going too far. Therefore, don't be mistaken by the motives of my actions. They are not what it may seem to be. JN and I just happen to have some common interests and we only live one bus-stop away. I will make it stay that way, okay?

There was the Teachers' Day celebrations at school today. It turned out to be my most memorable and enjoyable one in secondary school with it being my last year there. The pillows that my class made for our 12 teachers were quite interesting.... Mr Phoa even dressed differently with a white-collared shirt and contact lenses. He looked better than any other day! He turned out to be involved in one of the dances with the students later on. Too bad that I didn't see Mrs Oon dance because she was more towards the back. There were also these two teachers who later collaborated with other students in a few songs. One played the elctrical guitar while the other played the drums. The one palying the guitar also sang. Wow....so cool....so cute....i could just melt.... Haha.... no lah, but seriously, he does play the guitar and sing quite well. I didn't know that there was such a teacher in school. The other performances on stage were some dances and songs sang by groups in school. Some of these groups used instruments sush as the electric guitar, bass guitar and the drums. One of these singing groups changed the lyrics of 'I wanna marry my stalker' or something like that into 'I wanna silence my teacher'. It was quite unique as well. The singer had a nice voice and when he sang, it was more soothing than the singer singing 'Wake me up when september ends' from 'The Black Guys'. They won Talentime 2005 recently by singing 'Harder to breathe'.

After the celebrations, my friends and I tried to give the Teachers' Day present to our respective teachers. Later, we went to eat at McDonalds situated along Bedok Reservoir Road. I managed to spill two-third of my coke. *sigh* Luckily, JN offered some of his coke and i only filled mine to nearly half of the original volume. They were surprised that i ate a lot of chilli with just one meal. Now, you have to pay ten cents in order to get curry sauce from the counter. Expensive already.... *sigh* We were nearly late for biology class at 12.15pm then. Three bus no. 60 passed by with no sign of bus no. 228. We were convinced that we were going to be really late until L tried to call our classmates one by one. Most of them didn't answer and it turned out that they were in the school canteen where reception was pretty low. We were on the bus by then and we weren't late as Mrs Ling had to attend to some matters beforehand. Biology class then ended at about 2.45pm.

It has been a really long day for me and I'm beginning to feel sleepy already. *yawn* Bye for now!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

i have a feeling that its getting kind of silly to put lyrics of sum of my favourite songs on this blog of mine. people may get the wrong idea sometimes.... *sigh* my o level prelims are coming soon and i have not even revised yet. after the upcoming september school holidays, the prelim examination will start. my religious class exams will also take place during the same time. and i have not started studying again.... *sigh* tomorrows teachers' day and i would not be going back to my primary school after the celebrations in school because i will be having biology class one hour after that. its been one year since i went back last teachers' day. only saw some familiar faces but i left primary school only four years ago in 2001, so its not surprising that many didn't come back anymore. *sigh*

everything seem to pass so fast it seems. its already the end of august and i've turned finally sixteen. sweet sixteen. what's so sweet about being sixteen anyway? you have to make a choice on where you are going to go after finishing your secondary school education and it may well affect your future, everybody expects you to act like an adult now and the various responsibilities that you have to take up unwillingly. talking about responsibilities, my brother will be leaving for national service soon and i will have to take up the role of looking after and probably guiding my younegr brother and sister then. i will miss my big brother. he's always the one that is the most caring and probably wise? =X ....haha.... my big brother has never taught me my schoolwork no matter how much i asked him to. he has always left me to my own devices when doing my schoolwork. i should probably thank him for that because now, at least i'm able to do my work well and refuse any type of help from any other people unless necessary.

school's been quite okay i think. even though i do slip into depression now and then, i try not to think about it, all the sadness, pain, suffering, and just live my life as it is now. the best way is to put on a brave front for all to see, especially my friends, so that they need not worry about me above all the problems that they might have. i tried that and it kind of worked. only one person knew and that was because i confided in him. hmm... it was really a very bad period for me before and during my mid-year-examninations. i' not sure just how many times i cried during that point of time. i think it started when ms tan was asking why i wasn't doing as well as she expected. i broke down right in front of her when i explained about how i need to take care of my siblings, their attitude towards me and needing to finish my homework at the same time. i did stop the crying in the toilet cubicle but somehow, tears fell again. after that session, i was mainly moody most of the time till after the exams. in my opinion, i was probably depressed because i felt like my friends left me since MZ joined the class and i now sit further away from them. it could also be brought on by the increasing pressure of the upcoming exams at that time because i only felt better after it finished. since then, i've probably tried not to make myself sad or burdened by the ongoings at home or in school so as not to repeat that episode again.

my sixteenth birthday happened to be my most enjoyable with my friends. they did organise an early birthday party for me and EU becasue our birthdays fall on the same month. it was okay..... it didn't really feel like a party to me until the last second when they brought out the birthday cake. on the actual day itself, as usual i don't expect presents from anyone but i stayed happy all the same. in the morning, my malay girlfriends wished me happy birthday and when we were settling at the parade ground, JW came up to me and handed me a present that came from him and BJ. very nice...it turbed out to be chocolate cookies and a chocolate bar. then came the surprise. AF from the next class came with a big package. i was just looking at her and she suddenly handed it to me as a birthday present! what a shock i got! everybody was looking at me and mrs loke wished me happy birthday then and not NHT who sits just two seats behind me. thanks for the blue baby sylvester bolster guys! now i know why you asked for my favourite looney toon character and colour.... by the end of the day, my classmates celebrated my birthday after we were halfway through our class teachers' day project. they made a toast to me and we played with water till about nearly eight at night at the school basketball court. haha.... we were actually locked up but the uncle opened the gates after saying that he would report us to the principal about it. that was a really enjoyable day for me. i would never forget it i guess.... this year sure holds that much memories that are dear to me.... *sigh* its going to be hard leaving the school then...

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

bintang di surga....

Masih ku merasa angkuh
Terbang kenanganku jauh
Langit kan menangkapku
Walau kan terjatuh

Dan bila semua tercipta
Hanya untukku merasakan
Semua yang tercipta
Hampa hidup terasa

Lelah tatapku mencari
Arti untukku membagi
Menemani langkahku
Namun tak berarti

Dan bila semua tercipta
Tanpa harus ku merasakan
Cinta yang tersisa
Hampa hidup terasa

Bagai bintang di surga
Dan seluruh warna
Dan kasih yang setia
Dan cahaya nyata

Oh bintang di surga
Berikan cerita
Dan kasih yang setia
Dan cahaya nyata

Lelah tatapku mencari
Arti untukku membagi
Menemani langkahku
Namun tak berarti

Dan bila semua tercipta
Tanpa harus ku merasakan
Cinta yang tersisa
Hampa hidup terasa

semua tentang kita...

Waktu terasa semakin berlalu
Tinggalkan cerita tentang kita
Akan tiada lagi kini tawamu
Tuk hapuskan semua sepi di hati

Ada cerita tentang aku dan dia
Dan kita bersama saat dulu kala
Ada cerita tentang masa yang indah
Saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa

Teringat disaat kita tertawa bersama
Ceritakan semua tentang kita

Ada cerita tentang aku dan dia
Dan kita bersama saat dulu kala
Ada cerita tentang masa yang indah
Saat kita berduka saat kita tertawa

mimpi yang sempurna...

Mungkinkah bila kubertanya
Pada bintang-bintang
Dan bila ku mulai merasa
Merasa kesunyian

Tololkah aku yang berjalan
Dalam kehampaan
Terdiam, terpana, terbata
Semua dalam keraguan

Aku dan semua yang terluka
Karena kita...

Aku kan menghilang.. dalam pekat malam
Lepas ku melayang..
Biarlah kubertanya... pada bintang-bintang
Tentang arti kita.. dalam mimpi yang sempurna

Aku dan semua yang terluka
Karena kita...

Aku kan menghilang.. dalam pekat malam
Lepas ku melayang..
Biarlah kubertanya... pada bintang-bintang
Tentang arti kita...

Aku kan menghilang.. dalam pekat malam
Lepas ku melayang..
Biarlah kubertanya... pada bintang-bintang
Tentang arti kita.. dalam mimpi yang sempurna